Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house ."

My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.

I saw a large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem ?".

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men  than they do undressing in front of other women.
They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful.

See, the problem is that God gave men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

 

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The value of brains

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a female brain, and $200 for a male brain."

The moment turned awkward. Women in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the men, but some actually smirked.

A woman, unable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much less?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the male brains, because they've been used."

 

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